Home Sweet Home

I just finished my sixth straight night away from home.  That's entirely too long.  Here are a couple of things I’ve realized during that time:

• I really like my beat-up flat pillow.  I don’t understand why hotels think that everyone wants big fluffy pillows.  Right now, there are six pillows on my bed.  Couldn’t at least one of them be flat?
• I’ve definitely developed a fear of hotel room carpets.  I keep my socks on at all times.  One of my colleagues told me a few months ago that, as soon as she gets to her hotel room, she goes into the bathroom, grabs some towels, and lays out a carpet from the bathroom to the dresser and then on to the side of her bed.  She does this just so her bare feet never have to touch the carpet.  I’m beginning to think I might start doing the same thing.
• There’s nothing quite like plain old steamed vegetables.  Eating out, particularly at conferences, it seems like every vegetable is roasted, grilled, or covered with some sort of sauce.  Steamed broccoli or green beans would be just fine with me.
• I’ve got to get some new travel deodorant.  I got some Dove Men+Care (what a name) from Santa Claus in my stocking.  Trust me – it doesn’t hold a candle to Sure.
• Finally, there’s a reason I like to run in the dark, all alone, with my fancy reflective vest.  What’s the reason, you ask?  It’s simple.  It’s not that it’s dark and it’s not the vest.  It’s that I’m all alone.  No piped-in music from 1980’s hair bands.  No waiting for a treadmill.  Best of all, no one to see me.  I like that.

What An Idiot!

OK, enough of my bashing of Tom Brady, Rick Reilly, Lance Armstrong, and Bill Belichick.  Instead, let's talk about Mark Emmert, President of the NCAA.  How does this guy still have a job?  How is his organization still viable?  Here's a checklist of the NCAA's latest accomplishments, following today's news about the University of Miami investigation:

• Incompetence? Check.
• Lack of crediblity?  Check.
• Inconsistent application of its own rules? Check.
• Lack of institutional conrol (yes, you read that right)?  Check.

If you don't believe me (or think I may be a bit biased), check out Stewart Mandel's Sports Illustrated post from earlier today.  He pegs Dr. Emmert and the NCAA perfectly.

During a teleconference on Wednesday to discuss an embarrassing breach of conduct in the NCAA enforcement department's investigation of Miami, a reporter prefaced his question to Mark Emmert with a courtesy: "Good afternoon, how are you?"

"I've had better days," the NCAA president replied.

For your sake, Mark, here's hoping you've had a better 26 months.

The NCAA has long been a lightning rod for criticism with its maddening layers of bureaucracy, antiquated rulebook and role as the bad guy when anybody's favorite school gets punished. But during Emmert's tenure, which began in 2010, the NCAA has engendered a whole different level of fury thanks to a never-ending series of self-inflicted controversies and missteps. Nearly all involve the process by which the governing body investigates and punishes rule-breakers. And that makes Wednesday's news about the Miami probe all the more galling.

Having spent nearly two years investigating the most extensive and salacious pay-for-play scandal since SMU, and reportedly right on the cusp of finally issuing a Notice of Allegations, the NCAA has revealed that its entire case is now in jeopardy due to an astonishing breach of conduct. Over the course of investigating ex-Miami booster and convicted Ponzi schemer Nevin Shapiro's claims that he supplied a decade of Hurricanes' athletes with extra benefits (with the knowledge and possibly approval of various coaches and staff members), someone at the NCAA apparently hired Shapiro's personal bankruptcy attorney, Maria Elena Perez, for the purpose of deposing witnesses and collecting information on the organization's behalf.

"This is obviously a shocking affair," said Emmert. "We have to get the answer to, how did this individual who was working with Shapiro end up engaging in these activities on our behalf? It's stunning that this has transpired."

You think?

The conduct in question apparently centers around the December 2011 testimony of former Miami equipment staffer and Shapiro conduit Sean Allen, who told CBS Sports last September that he was shocked to find NCAA investigator Ameen Najjar in the room upon arriving to his deposition in Shapiro's bankruptcy case. Even after Allen asked that Najjar leave, he still faced a barrage of Miami-related questions with seemingly little relevance to bankruptcy. And unlike in his NCAA interviews, he was now under oath.

Emmert provided no names on Wednesday, but CBS reported last week that Najjar was fired last year. Emmert said the NCAA became aware of possible improprieties last fall when invoices began showing up for "legal work that had not been approved." And yet, as recently as Sunday, word was leaking that Louisville football assistant Clint Hurtt and Missouri basketball coach Frank Haith -- both named in Yahoo!'s report -- were about to be charged with unethical conduct allegations.
In other words, one arm of the NCAA was proceeding on the path to formal allegations last weekend, while Emmert was meeting with the Board of Directors to inform them of the possible ethical breech at the same time. You'd call these guys keystone cops if not for the fact they make actual keystone cops look like Dragnet.

If this were a criminal case, the judge would immediately declare a mistrial. How do you prosecute a party after admitting you acquired some evidence through nefarious means? Yet, this being Emmert's NCAA, the governing body has hired a corporate investigator, Kenneth L. Wainstein, to conduct a review. Emmert said the probe should take an estimated seven to 10 days -- two weeks tops -- at which point it will discard whatever information Wainstein decrees was obtained inappropriately (which Emmert says is a "small portion" of the overall evidence against Miami) and proceed with the case as planned.

Wow, what a credible process that will be. But then again, credibility has moved swiftly in the opposite direction of the organization's Indianapolis headquarters throughout Emmert's tenure at the helm.

Remember the Cam Newton "loophole?" That was a good one. How about Ohio State's Tattoo Five being allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl thanks to some obscure waiver? Thank goodness they protected the "integrity" of a game that was later vacated. Last year, in a shameless abuse of power, Emmert shucked any notion of precedent or protocol in doling out his own personal Penn State penalties. The state of Pennsylvania is filing a suit over that one. Meanwhile, last fall, an NCAA investigator was reportedly fired after her boyfriend blabbed to a fellow airplane passenger about her pursuit of UCLA basketball freshman Shabazz Muhammad (he was reinstated shortly thereafter), while a Los Angeles judge ripped the organization for its "malicious" treatment of former USC running backs coach Todd McNair (implicated in the Reggie Bush case).

But this Miami thing -- this one takes the cake.

Granted, enforcement is just one small division of a much larger enterprise, but besides running the NCAA basketball tournament, it's easily the organization's most visible function. And right now it's a joke. While Emmert has been busy patting himself on the back for pushing through recent reforms like stricter academic penalties and a more streamlined rulebook, two years of bizarre, or, in the Miami case, corrupt enforcement decisions have destroyed what little confidence the public still held in his organization.

"I'm very concerned about it," said Emmert. He should be. Just as the NCAA's new, tougher penalties will hold head coaches responsible for violations by their staff members, Emmert is accountable for everything that transpires in Indianapolis. And despite his tough talk on Wednesday, Emmert's leadership has never been more in question.

It was staggering how many times during Wednesday's conference call that Emmert gave qualifiers such as "I wasn't personally aware," or "You're probably asking the wrong guy." The Miami investigation was already going to be one of the most scrutinized endeavors of his tenure before these revelations. Don't tell us you were some helpless bureaucrat whose employees went rogue -- not after the hubris you demonstrated during last summer's Penn State p.r. stunt.

Ultimately, the NCAA is comprised of its members. How many black eyes are they willing to keep taking? Because the bleeding only seems to get worse the longer their current president keeps doing the fighting.

True Colors

So, here's everything you really need to know about the New England Patriots.

1. I'm Tom Brady.  I'm sliding to avoid a hit.  Uh-oh.  Here comes Ed Reed.  I think I'll try to kick him while I'm sliding.  That ought to teach him a lesson.  Besides, it's not like I'm Ndamukong Suh.  No one would dare accuse me of being a dirty player.
2. I'm a Patriots fan.  Actually, I'm all of them.  With 4 minutes left in the AFC Championship game and my team down by 15 points, we all collectively decide to leave to get an early start on the drive home.  Never mind that there's still a possibility our team could come back and tie the game.  Yes, it's a remote possibility.  But, hey, the Ravens completed a 70-yard touchdown pass with 31 seconds left in the game just last week.  Stranger things have happened.  Oh, well, let's leave anyway.  Everyone knows we really only like the Patriots when they're winning.
3. I'm Bill Belichick.  We just lost the AFC Championship game.  In fact, we pretty much got embarassed on our home turf.  I know that CBS Sports is going to want to interview me after the game.  But, just like Tom Brady, I'm an ass.  So, I'm not going to talk to them.  No one will give me a hard time about it or call me a sore loser.  That would never happen because everyone knows I'm a genius.

I never thought I'd say it but I love Shannon Sharpe.  In fact, I love him so much right now that I'm going to quote his post-game comments on the genius Belichick:

"There's something to be said about being gracious in defeat. We've seen the New England Patriots five times in the last 12 years be victorious. And we've seen the opposing coaches that lost come out and speak to our Steve Tasker. Coach Cowher did it when they lost. We saw this last week. Bill Belichick makes it very easy for you to root against the Patriots. You can't be a poor sport all the time. You're not going to win every time. And he does this every time he loses. It is unacceptable."

Enjoy the Super Bowl, New England!

How Dumb Does Rick Reilly Think We Are?

I just have to post these two links.  Rick Reilly, a nationally-recognized award-winning sports journalist who writes for ESPN, wrote both of them.  Here's the first one:

http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/8310275/armstrong-worth-honoring

Reilly wrote this piece in September 2012, right after the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency issued its findings on the Lance Armstrong matter.  Basically, Reilly is saying "Who cares if Lance Armstrong cheated and lied about it for all those years?  He's done a lot of good things, too.  Plus, everyone cheats in cycling.  And, by the way, I've met him and I think he's a great guy."

Now, fast forward to last week, after Armstrong went on Oprah and admitted he took performance-enhancing drugs and lied about it to everyone for over a dozen years.  To make matters worse, he admitted he bullied and threatened anyone who tried to expose him as a cheat.  Armstrong came off as an extremely arrogant guy who is only owning up to what he did because he's desperate to protect his fortune.  The public's reaction was pretty uniform -- Armstrong's a jerk.

In the face of the public's 180-degree turn, what does our buddy Rick Reilly do?  He writes this second article:

http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/8852974/lance-armstrong-history-lying

Seriously, Rick?  What's changed in the past 4 months?  I get that you might feel a bit silly for having been such a staunch Lance Armstrong supporter.  But, I think you look even sillier assuming that your readers don't remember anything you've written.  In fact, if you think that nothing you write sticks with us, why bother writing anything at all?

Has It Come To This?

On the drive home from Blacksburg today, I stopped in Woodstock, VA, to get a bite to eat.  I pulled into the McDonald's located just off of Interstate 81 and headed inside.  At the counter, I ordered a #4 Value Meal (two cheeseburgers, fries, and a drink), paid my $5.16, got my cup, and walked over to the soft drink station to get some lemonade.

As I was getting my drink, I noticed the sign taped to the soda dispenser: "No refills after leaving McDonald's.  If you leave and re-enter, you must purchase another soda."  I'd never seen anything like it before.

I know that times are tough but I didn't realize it had gotten so bad that people were holding on to their soda cups and coming back to McDonald's day after day to get their refills.  I can understand why that would be a problem for the local McDonald's franchisee in Woodstock, VA.  But, I have to admire the creativity of the locals who had taken the whole "free refill" thing to heart.

In any event, I saved my drink cup.  I just won't be using it in Woodstock.

Et tu, Lance?

Like most Americans, I'm a football fan first and foremost.  That means that, along with the rest of Baltimore, I'll be faithfully watching the Ravens play the Broncos in just under one hour.  But, while football is my favorite sport, my favorite athletes are those who compete in sports that fly under the radar.  I've always admired athletes who push themselves to be the best at something just because -- not because their achievements hold the promise of fame or fortune.  So, I'm a fan of the Nordic combined athletes, the cross-country skiers, the lugers, the lonely long distance runners, and cyclists.

That brings me to Lance Armstrong.  He was at the top of my list when he was winning all those Tour de France's.  Other than Greg LeMond before him, there'd never been any great American cyclist.  Europeans dominated the sport.  Then, Lance came along and captivated the entire country.  He pushed himself to perform at a level that seemed almost impossible.  The fact that he was a cancer survivor made him seem even more heroic.  Add in that he was so dominant for so long, and he became almost mythic.  There'd never be another one like him, we were told.  I believed it.

During his career there were always the accusations that Lance must be using performance-enhancing drugs.  How else could he have such success?  And, weren't all the others at the top of the sport already doing it?  He always denied it, doing so both forcefully and with disdain.  He even went so far as to sue -- and win -- several years back when a London paper wrote a story claiming he was a cheat.  All the more reason for me to believe in him and put him on a pedestal.  Not only was he dominating the field year after year, but he was clean while doing it.

Now, I realize it's all been a lie.  I'm reading that, this week, Lance is going to finally admit to being a cheat -- during a sitdown with Oprah, of course.  Maybe I shouldn't be surprised.  You see, unlike Alice McKennis (that would be today's World Cup downhill winner) or Kikkan Randall (who's won more World Cup cross-country ski races this year than any other American has ever won in their entire career), Lance did get his fame and fortune.  Maybe that's all he was ever after in the first place. 

This is Ugly

I settled onto the couch at 8PM sharp to watch the BCS National Championship title game.  I watched all 30 minutes of the pre-game, listened to the prognosticators, and got myself primed to see Notre Dame beat Alabama.  Despite the fact that Brent Musberger is calling the game, I even convinced myself that I was going to stay up late to watch the whole thing.

Now, with just over 6 minutes to go in the first quarter, I'm already channel surfing over to Bravo so I can catch up with the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  Unfortunately, I think Faye Resnick and Brandi Glanville are more evenly matched competitors than the Irish and the Crimson Tide.

There's nothing worse than a championship game mismatch.  All that hype.  All that buildup.  All for naught.  This game looks particularly bad.  Notre Dame seems totally outclassed.  They can't run.  They can't tackle.  They can't cover anyone.  It's kind of like Jay vs. me in Ping Pong.  No matter what I try, I lose.  And, it's not even close.

In case you're wondering, over on the Real Housewives, Kyle is having a yoga workout.  I can completely understand why.  She needs to release all that stress from her crazy dinner party the previous night.  Of course, she has a personal instructor who comes over to her home to provide a private lesson.  He just instructed her to move to "Warrior Two."  I love this show.

By the way, it's now 21-0 with over 14 minutes to go in the second quarter.  Notre Dame just got stopped on fourth down.  Looks like I'll be getting a full night's sleep tonight, after all.

 

How Did Those Pine Needles Get There?

I took down the Christmas tree today.  This morning, I removed all the ornaments and lights, packed them up, and stored them in the basement til next year.  I decided to wait a bit, though, before actually getting the tree out of the house.

We had a beautiful tree this year.  It was somewhere between 10-11 feet tall and was easilty the biggest we've ever had.  Despite its size, we didn't have any trouble getting it up on the van, driving it home, bringing it into the house, or putting it in the stand.  In fact, for the past 4 weeks, the tree hasn't given us any problems at all.  It's been a great tree.

After putting it off for most of the day, it was time to finally get the tree outside.  Even though I watered the tree more than ever this year (that means I watered it all of two times), it had gotten incredibly dry.  As Jay helped me lift it out of the stand and bring it out of the house, we left a huge trail of pine needles behind us.  Kim just groaned as she watched us.  I'm sure she was remembering past years when, even though our tree hadn't lost nearly as many needles, the clean-up effort had clogged up her vacuum cleaner.

After dragging the tree down to the end of the driveway, I casually strolled back to the house.  I was brushing needles off of my shoulders and out of my hair the whole way.  I remembered to stop before re-entering the house to brush off my pants.  As I was doing that, I noticed that I still had quite a few needles on my flannel shirt.  That's when I got the bright idea to unzip my pants, untuck and unbutton my shirt, and shake it off.  After a few vigorous shakes, I thought I'd gotten rid of the last remaining needles.  I tucked my t-shirt and flannel back into my pants and walked into the house.

I got all of about three steps into the kitchen when I felt the first sting.  Ouch.  Something was in my underwear.  "That can't be pine needles," I thought.  I took a few more steps but had to stop.  It felt like I had several pins stuck in my underwear.  Each time I took a step, I got a couple pinpoint jabs.  You can guess where I was getting stuck.  "Good Lord," I said to myself.  "How did they get there?"  With no other recourse, I reached in and, sure enough, pulled out a couple of pine needles.  I thought that was it.  No such luck.  Over the next five minutes, I must have pulled 15 more pine needles out of my underwear.

I think I've finally removed them all as I've been pain free for nearly ten minutes.  I'm still not exactly sure how I got pine needles down my underwear.  I guess that "great" tree might not have been so great after all.

P.S.  In case you're wondering, yes, I did wash my hands before sitting down to type this.

A Kent County New Year

We spent the New Year's holiday weekend in Kent County.  The Eastern Shore is always a bit slow.  That's its charm.  Being slow doesn't mean that the weekend was without its highlights, though.  Here's a sampling of just a few of them.

• At 9:30AM on Sunday morning, we stumbled across a channel called Audience that was showing entire seasons of "24" without any commercial interruptions.  It was a couch potato's dream.  By 7PM on Monday, we'd managed to watch almost all of season two (Jack Bauer stops a nuclear threat in Los Angeles) and all of season three (Jack Bauer stops the release of super-virus).  When we got up this morning and found that Audience had stopped the "24" marathon, there were so many groans you would have thought we all had hangovers.
• Rock Hall has to be the only place in the world that celebrates the New Year by dropping a rockfish.  However, the midnight rockfish drop isn't quite the same since it moved from the harbor to the intersection opposite the food store.  To be honest, it wasn't all that great at the harbor, either.  But, at least the giant plywood rockfish was lowered into the water.  Next year, they also might want to think about getting the countdown right.  Last time I checked, the countdown shouldn't go "30, 29, 28, 2, 1."
• It's nice to have friends who are always there to bail you out.  When Kim and I decided to turn in early on the 30th, we knew Hannah would still have company to join her in a celebratory shot at midnight to ring in her 21st birthday.  Thank you!