"My Boy Was Just Like Me"

At dinner tonight, it was just Jay, Kim, and me since Nick was at work.  We were talking about a whole host of things and, kind of out of the blue, Jay began talking about his day.  He started to describe the daily routine that he goes through as an 8th grader.  I'm paraphrasing a bit, but he began complaining about how it's the same old, same old day after day.  All of a sudden, he said "It's kind of like Birth, School ..." and then his voice faded off.  "You know," he said to me, "It's like that song."

My heart jumped.  I remembered being in the car with Jay a year or so ago, listening to First Wave on Sirius.  One of the all-time greats came on the radio.  It was The Godfathers - "Birth, School, Work, Death."  As I listened, I told Jay how I thought that 4-word chorus perfectly captured the essence of life.  I challenged him to think of another four words that could do a better job of summarizing exactly what life's journey is all about.

At the time, I didn't think that Jay was even listening to me.  I know I didn't get a response.  But, then, there we were at the dinner table tonight and he was quoting the lyrics.  Better yet, he was stating my very philosophy.  I was so happy and proud.  Happy that he'd been listening.  Proud that he and I were thinking alike.

Check out today's favorite song for the full Godfathers experience.

Interview Tips

On Wednesday, I went to River Hill High School to conduct junior interviews.  The junior interview is a graduation requirement at River Hill.  The purpose is to get the kids ready for both college and job interviews.  Each junior prepares a resume and meets with a parent volunteer who interviews them about their background and interests.  They all get written feedback on how they did.  I interviewed 10 kids.  I was pretty impressed with how prepared and confident they each were.

All those interviews got me thinking about some of my own interview experience.

• After my junior year at Bucknell, I moved down to DC for the summer.  My older sister, Lisa, worked for a lawyer in DC while she was an undergrad.  The lawyer always hired a bunch of college students for the summer.  She got him to agree to meet with me about a job.  I showed up at the appointed time and knocked on the door to his suite.  I could hear voices inside but no one answered.  I knocked again.  Now I could hear a voice saying "Don't answer it."  I tried once more.  Remember, this was before cell phones so I couldn't just call and say "Hey, it's Mike Bucci.  I have an interview scheduled."  Still, no one came to the door.  Instead, I heard again "Don't answer -- they'll leave."  So, I left.  Long story short, I did end up working there that summer.  Lisa got things straightened out for me.  What I didn't realize when I showed up for my interview was that the lawyer lived in constant fear of being served subpoenas and didn't answer the door for anyone.  I guess that should have been a warning for me.  There are quite a few crazy stories from working for that guy but I don't want to cause trouble for anyone so I'm not telling them.
• After graduating from Bucknell, I wanted to work for the U.S. Department of Labor.  I'd interviewed on campus but it took several months for them to finally get around to scheduling on-site interviews in DC.  Finally, the day arrived.  I had a series of interviews with 5 or 6 people during the course of the day; each person was located in a different part of a pretty large government building.   After the second or third inteview, I was walking to my next appointed stop and realized that I should take advantage of the break by going to the bathroom.  I saw a sign for a bathroom and walked in.  I noticed right away that it didn't have any urinals (which I thought was strange).  So, I went into a stall, took care of business, and walked out to wash my hands.  As I stood at the sink, soaping my hands in my new interview suit, a woman stepped out of another stall.  Yep, I'd used the women's bathroom.  I said "I'm sorry," dried my hands, and casually walked out.  I got the job.
• After working for the government for a few years, I got an interview with Foster Higgins, a benefits consulting firm (that later became part of Mercer).  The interview was scheduled for 7:30AM one weekday morning.  I headed in to DC, took the elevator up to Foster Higgins' floor, and stepped out of the elevator.  As the doors closed behind me, I saw a set of closed double doors in front of me and a buzzer for entry.  I pushed the buzzer and waited a few minutes but no one came.  I pushed the buzzer again but there was still no response.  Now it was almost 7:30AM.  "What the hell," I thought, "Maybe the doors are open."  So, I pushed them open.  Immediately, the alarm siren went off and lights started flashing.  Very quickly, a woman came running to the door from inside Foster Higgins' offices.  "Hello," I said, acting like nothing unusual was happening as the alarm continued to sound.  "I'm Mike Bucci and I have an interview at 7:30AM."  She laughed, commented on my ability to make an entrance, and shut off the alarm.  I got that job, too.

I wish I'd remembered these stories before talking to the juniors at River Hill.  It would have been fun to share them.

P.S.  Listened to the first album by The Strokes (Is This It) while writing this.  I'd forgotten how great it is.  Top 3 songs -- The Modern Age, Take It or Leave It, and Someday.

When I Win the Lottery ...

I only play the lottery when the jackpot gets large enough to make the news.  Tonight’s MegaMillions jackpot is up to $312 million so I’ve thrown my $5 into the office kitty.

I realize that there’s virtually no chance of winning.  I heard this morning that the odds are actually 350 times greater that I’ll be struck by lightning.  But, I still play.  Here’s why.

• My aunt and uncle won the New York state lottery about 15 years ago.  They walked away with $25 million.  Not bad, right?
• If my co-workers won and I hadn’t joined them, it would kill me.  I don't know what emotion would be stronger -- remorse, anger, or embarrassment.  The bottom line is that I don’t ever want to answer the question “Didn’t a bunch of your co-workers win the lottery?” and its follow-up “Tell me again why you didn’t pitch in $5.”
• Every time I buy a lottery ticket, I first figure out what I’d get on a lump sum basis after taxes.  Then, the real fun starts:

Þ    How much should I share?  Seriously, sharing would be the right thing to do. And, it would be fun.  Just look at how much fun it is for my good friend Oprah.  But how much to share?  That’s a tough one.  If I won $100 million, what percentage would I share?  What if I “only” won $10 million?  I won’t lie – the percentage goes down when the winnings go down.

Þ    Who’s going to get a piece of the pie?  OK, I may be stupid enough to play the lottery but I’m not stupid enough to name names.  Moving on …

Þ    How much do I invest and how much goes into the “fun” bucket?  This would be an interesting discussion with Kim.  Even in my dreams, I can only have so much fun.  So, unfortunately, dear, the fun bucket doesn’t usually get all that much.

Þ    Should Hannah, Nick, and Jay get cars?  The answer used to always be “Absolutely not.”  But, this time around I’ve been thinking “Maybe – if they’re used.”  We’ll see.

Þ    Do I finally try to buy Sun Nursery?  What do you think?  Of course I do.  A man needs to dream, after all.

Mulch Madness

The first weekend of the NCAA men's basketball tournament is an unofficial holiday for many Americans.  With their brackets filled out and highlighters in hand, millions of sports fans sit in front of their TV sets for hours on end from Thursday til Sunday, watching March Madness play out in front of them.  There are upsets, buzzer beaters, and great feats of athleticism.  There's tremendous optimism as the tournament kicks off on Thursday but it's often replaced by disappointment as the field of 64 is whittled down to 16 by Sunday night.

The first weekend of the tournament is also when I celebrate Mulch Madness.  It's amazing how closely Mulch Madness parallels March Madness.

Category	March Madness	Mulch Madness
Selection Sunday	The NCAA tournament selection committee carefully selects the field of 68 teams that will play for the national championship.	The mulch selection committee (that’s me) carefully determines exactly how much mulch will be needed this year.  It should be simple but, because the number of beds grows each year, it’s not.  This year, I selected 22 yards.
The Brackets	The selection committee places the teams into 4 evenly-matched brackets of 16 teams each (ignore that “First Four” nonsense).	The selection committee needs to determine how much mulch to place at the bottom of the driveway and how much to place at the top.  This year, it was 8 yards at the bottom and 14 yards at the top.
Round One	Spread over two days, the field of 64 is narrowed down to 32.	Until the pile at the bottom of the driveway is moved, no cars can make their way up the driveway.  That means there’s only one day to complete round one.  This year, round one is barely completed by the end of the day Friday.
Round Two	This round also takes two days as the field is narrowed once more down to the Sweet 16.  The first tip comes at Noon.	This round also takes two days.  However, unlike those basketball playing slackers, tip-off is at 8AM sharp.
Upsets	Unfortunately, Bucknell couldn’t come through.  But there were some big upsets.   Louisville took the big fall in Round One.  In Round Two, top-seeded Pittsburgh bit the dust.	In the biggest upset in Mulch Madness history, the committee fails to order enough mulch.  This creates much gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair.  An immediate audit is ordered so that the committee can learn from its mistake.
MVP	There were many great individual performances but Derrick Williams’ 3-point play with 8 seconds left to push Arizona past Texas stands out.	The trusty wheelbarrow comes through one more time, despite being mercilessly taunted by Kim and Jay as being “too small” and “on its last legs.”

These are the official photos of the "Field of 22" from the commemorative Mulch Madness program.

Pile #1 -- otherwise known as "the small pile." 

Pile #2 -- that would be "the large pile."

"Partyin', Partyin', Yeah"

Here's a link to the best song ever -- Rebecca Black's "Friday."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

When I listen to this, I keep asking myself why I didn't write this song.  The girl has 23 million hits.  The lyrics are ridiculous.  My favorite part is when she sings "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday.  Today is Friday, Friday.  Tomorrow is Saturday.  And Sunday comes afterwards."  I hear that and I just want to ask her what her point is.

After listening to this nonsense, I decided to give myself a little test.  I'm going to take 10 minutes and see if I can come up with something better than Rebecca.  I just asked Jay for a random topic.  He gave me "a second chance."  The timer starts now.

Heading out on 32
Can't stop thinking about you
Wondering where it all went wrong

Punching the pre-sets on the radio dial
Can't find anything to make me smile
Still searching for that one good song

Yesterday, I thought you'd take me back
I'd done my best to make you laugh
But you wanted nothing to do with my second chance

I remember when things were good
You and I were doing the best we could
Thought things would never change

Now it's hard to remember when things were fine
You and me just seemed to run out of time
Can't even think how it got so strange

Yesterday, I thought you'd take me back
I'd done my best to make you laugh
But you wanted nothing to do with my second chance

Seriously, that was 10 minutes.  Jay's my witness.  It's only two verses but I don't think it's half bad.  All I need now is a catchy tune.  Watch out, Rebecca.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

I read today that Fidelity Investments recently conducted a survey of over 1,000 households.  Results of the survey were released yesterday.  The households surveyed had average assets (not including their home) of $3.5 million.  One of the questions that was asked was "How much money do you need to feel rich?"  The answer -- $7.5 million.

The guy from Fidelity who lead the survey had a great quote: "Wealth is relative and, to some extent, the more you have, the more you realize how much more you need."  I don't have $3.5 million but I completely get what he's saying.  My family can vouch for that. They probably think I'm cheap -- I just think I'm careful.  How careful?  Let me give you an example.

Bucknell is in the NCAA tournament ('ray Bucknell).  They play UConn at the Verizon Center in DC on Thursday night.  Yesterday morning, Kim said that we should go.  Her logic -- how many opportunities will we have to watch Bucknell in a tournament game in person?  So, I went on line and saw that Bucknell was going to have a limited amount of tickets for sale that morning.  The price -- $84 per ticket.  My mental calculator quickly clicked into gear.  Four tickets at $84 each.  Parking at $20.  $10 for gas.  With a 7:20PM start time, we'd need a quick dinner outside the arena.  That's another $40.  A couple drinks during the game is another $30.  We're over $400 already.  I just couldn't do it.

It's not like I've got something else in mind on which I'll spend that money.  It's just that there are always these voices in my head.  Sometimes, I hear "Do you really need that?"  Other times, it's "Is it worth it?"  Occasionally, I hear "Something else will come along that you'll want even more."  I understand the point of those questions.  They're logical.  Mostly, though, I just hear a voice saying "Be careful."

That "Be careful" voice has been with me a long time.  I remember hearing it growing up in Elmira when it was time to decide if I really needed a second pair of Levi's at the start of the school year.  It was with me during my first week at Bucknell after I got cut from the soccer team and needed to buy food for a week before the cafeteria opened (I bought a large pizza and "rationed" it for my dinners).  It stayed with me when I moved to DC before I got married (I'd buy 4 Big Macs whenever McDonald's had a 2 for $2 sale -- that was 2 lunches and 2 dinners right there).  And, it was with me Monday morning when I said "No" to the NCAA tournament.  You know what?  If I ever hit $7.5 million, my guess is that voice will still be there.

All Dressed Up -- and No Date

Can you believe my lovely wife is away for girls' weekend and I'm all dolled up?  Look what she's missing?

That Will be $2, Please

Sometimes I get the sense that living with me can be pretty annoying.  In fact, right now I'm on restriction.  Kim is charging me $2 each time I say "Easy come, easy go."  That's the opening line to "Grenade" by Bruno Mars.  For the past 24 hours, I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

It started last night as Jay and I drove home from Ash Wednesday service.  We had stopped at Royal Farms to spend $8 on dessert treats.  I hate having too many one dollar bills in my money clip (it gets too bulky) and I wanted to get rid of all of them.  After buying TastyKakes, a cinnamon roll, and a box of Entenmann chocolate chip cookies, the problem was solved.  We got back in the car to drive home and "Grenade" came on the radio.  Immediately, "Easy come, easy go" was stuck in my head.

The beauty of that phrase is that you can use it constantly.  After Jay and I got home, we sat down in front of the TV with the rest of the family.  For an hour, we switched between American Idol and college basketball.  I sang "Easy come, easy go" constantly.  I sang it:

• Anytime there was a turnover
• After every lead change
• On player substitutions
• When we switched channels
• When the TastyKakes were gone
• As my go to critique for any American Idol performance that I thought should get the contestant eliminated
• When we switched back to the game
• When the game ended and Robert Morris (which was our favorite team for 15 minutes) got eliminated
• When Jay went to bed
• When American Idol ended
• When everyone else went to bed.

That's not too annoying, is it?

Anyway, I'm trying to be good and stop saying "Easy come, easy go."  I need to save up for another Royal Farms run.

The Best $5.99 You'll Spend This Week

OK, enough with Pudgie's, Charlie Sheen, and rants about passwords.  Instead, I'm going to climb up on my soapbox and preach about one of my favorite things -- The New Yorker.

I'm always several weeks behind on The New Yorker.  While it's my favorite magazine (yes, even better than US Weekly), it's so lengthy that I can't keep up with it each week.  I just finished the February 14th / February 21st double issue.  Here are the highlights:

• Letter From Kabul - The Afghan Bank Heist.  This article uncovers the vast corruption within Kabul Bank.  Kabul Bank appears to have been a personal money trough for anyone connected with the highest levels of the Afghani government.  What's so great (and ironic) about the article is that it's in the very same issue that covers the Egyptian uprising which, when this issue went to press, was still unresolved.  One of the primary mistakes of American policy in Egypt (specifically, turning a blind eye to the government's corruption because we believed that government to be the lesser of two evils) is repeating itself in Afghanistan.  Three cheers for American foreign policy!
• Department of Education - The Order of Things.  Malcolm Gladwell writes about the somewhat ridiculous nature of college rankings, specifically the U.S. News & World Reports "Best Colleges" guide.   I got a kick out of the fact that he repeatedly uses Penn State's middle of the pack ranking to demonstrate how the system is broken.  Hannah knew what she was doing after all!
• Profiles - The Apostate.  This is an expose on the Church of Scientology.  Where do I even start with this?  I won't go into John Travolta healing Marlon Brando by laying on of hands, the Tom Cruise stuff, or the allegations that the head of the church has beaten up numerous of his direct reports over the years.  Instead, I'll just give you these nuggets:
• The church teaches that, 75 million years ago, Earth (which was then called Teegeack) was ruled by a guy named Xenu.  Earth was overpopulated so "surplus" people were taken to volcanos and Hydrogen bombs were dropped on them.  Really?
• In order to reach the highest Operating Thetan level (don't ask), members pay for hours and hours of "auditing" in which they achieve ever higher states of spirtual advancement and self-betterment.  By the time you get to the highest level, you can expect to have paid up to $300,000 for "course work."  I should have thought of this.
• The church's version of a religious order (like a priest, minister, or rabbi) is called the Sea Organization.  Most members of the Sea Organization join as children (signed away by their parents) and they sign contracts for up to a billion years of service to the church.  That's not a misprint -- a billion years of service.

If all this doesn't do it for you, don't forget -- The New Yorker also has cartoons:

 

The Password is ...

I was checking voice mail at work yesterday.  Before I could access my new messages, the automated voice came on and told me that my password was going to expire and needed to be changed -- again.

OK, I know we need passwords.  I get that security is important.  But, enough already!

Let's review the password requirements at work:
 

System	# of Characters	Character Type(s)	Updates
Network login #1	20	Alpha	Never
Network login #2	8	Alpha / Numeric	Every 60 days
Time entry	6	Alpha / Numeric / Symbols	Every 60 days
Intranet	8	Alpha / Numeric	Every 90 days
Voice mail	6	Numeric	Every 60 days
Travel arrangements	8	Alpha / Numeric	Every 60 days
AmEx	8	Alpha / Numeric	Never
Men’s room	3	Numeric	Never
Parking reimbursement	8	Alpha / Numeric	Never

Where's the consistency?  Why are they all different lengths and formats?  Why can't they all require updates on the same day?  Can you believe I need a table just to keep this straight?

So, I have an idea.  I used to love the old Password game show (I watched it in college quite a bit).  Betty White was always my favorite celebrity guest and she always gave the absolute best clues.  I'm going to call her and ask her to create a password application for people like me.  First, we'll "borrow" the logic behind all those password reminder systems that credit card companies use for online payment.  Next, we'll have Betty record a couple of simple questions that can be used to remind me of my password.  Then, when it's time for me to log into one of those systems at work and I've forgotten my password, I'll just launch the app, name the system with the password I've forgotten, and Betty's voice will prompt me:

• "Favorite sibling," she'll say.  That's easy, I'll think.  It's ________. 
• "Year of birth of favorite child," she'll then prompt.  Yes, that would be ____.
• Finally, she'll say "The symbol above the number on the keyboard that represents the number of dogs you wish you had."  Of course.  That would be _.

Come on - you didn't really think my app would ask boring questions like mother's maiden name, high school mascot, or the name of your first pet, now did you?

Winning the Charlie Sheen Way

"Winning."  That's my new catch phrase.  Of course, I copied it from Charlie Sheen.  Up until Tuesday morning, I thought he was a crazed lunatic.  I'd been hearing sound bites from all the interviews he's been doing over the past few days.  Before I get into the meat of this post, here are a couple of my favorites:

• On whether he was on drugs: "I'm on a drug.  It's called Charlie Sheen.  It's not available because if you try it you will die.  Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
• On why AA didn't work for him: "AA was written for normal people.  People that don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA."
• On whether he has an addiction problem: "The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning."
• On whether his lifestyle creates a problem for his show: "That's how I roll.  And, if it's too gnarly for people, then buh-bye."
• And then there were these two in which he describes what he's all about: "Winning, anyone?"  "Duh, winning."

These sound bites make him seem like a nut.  But, earlier this week I saw him on the Today show for an extended interview.  Then, as I drove down to northern Virginia for a meeting, I caught him as he called into the Howard Stern show.  As I listened to him talk, he explained -- pretty clearly -- a philosophy of life that made sense.  Let me try to sum up what I heard from Charlie:

• I'm all about winning.
• In order to win, I need to show up at work and do my job.
• I'm doing that job well and I've got evidence to support that (the ratings for his show).
• Because of how well I'm doing my job, other people are succeeding.
• Given that, don't tell me what to do outside of work and let me live my life.

OK, I get that there are two sides to every story and there may be people at CBS who say Charlie isn't doing a good job.  And, I get that there's more to life than work and Charlie's got a home life that's got to be pretty messed up as he has 3 ex-wives, several kids, and 2 live-in "goddesses."  But, when I just focus in on his philosophy, I have to say it has a certain appeal.  It's simple.  It's about doing a good job.  It's about helping others succeed.  And, it's about drawing a line between work and the rest of your life.  Not bad.