MicroDry? I Don't Think So.

I generally find that anything that has to do with personal grooming is highly annoying.  When I'm clipping my nails, getting my hair cut, shaving, or cleaning the wax out of my ears, I often find myself asking God questions.  "Hey, God," I call out.  "Couldn't you have created a hearing system that didn't involve wax build-up?  And was it really necessary to make our hair and nails grow?  You can't tell me it's that important to have hair.  If it were, why are you letting me go bald?"

The one exception to my dislike of personal grooming is that I really do enjoy taking a nice hot shower.  Unfortunately, even that's not been all that great as of late.  It's all because we got new bath towels.

I hadn't realized how much time had gone by since the last time we bought bath towels.   Apparently, advancing technology has even made its way to bath towels.  Kim bought a set of "Performance Towels" with MicroDry fibers.  Sounds impressive, right?  Here's how these towels are described on their web site: 
 

These are the towels you've always dreamed of. The CoreTex™ microfiber
is so luxuriously soft and ultra-absorbent that you'll be almost completely
dry the instant you wrap yourself in one. This means no more harsh rubbing
that can deplete your skin's natural moisture. Quite simply, these bath linens
are so gentle, they'll become an essential part of your skin care regimen.

I should have known as soon as I saw the dangling preposition at the end of the first sentence that these towels were going to be a problem.  I used to be able to step out of the shower and towel dry in less than a minute.  For example, I'd take my old trusty towel, rub it up and down on my left arm once, and be done with that arm.  Not any longer.  Now, it's rub once, rub twice, rub a third time, and then sigh heavily as you realize that there's still a fine mist on your arm and you're going to have to start all over again.

Basically, these MicroDry towels don't work.  A towel is supposed to dry you off quickly.  This whole claim of being "... almost completely dry the instant you wrap yourself in one" is nothing but crap.

Kim says that this MicroDry thing is pretty much all you can find.  Whatever.  My new MicroDry towel is now folded and sitting in the linen closet.  I've gone back to my trusty old faded and stained antique.  I don't care what it looks like.  It works perfectly fine for me.