Check, Please

Tonight, we got dinner from Subway.  I've never been a fan of Subway hoagies.  But, the boys like them and I recently discovered that, by putting sweet peppers on a turkey hoagie from Subway, you actually get a somewhat passable meal.  Another reason that we went to Subway is that it's one of the few places around here that seems able to figure out how to process a rebate card.

I am so tired of rebate cards.  Every time one of us needs a new cell phone, we end up with a rebate card.  With five cell phones in the family and contracts that expire every two years, we always have our fair share of Verizon rebate cards.  Even better, each year my employer tells Kim and me to update our health risk assessments.  When we do that, we get two more rebate cards.  So, needless to say, we always have several rebate cards on hand.  Seems like a good thing, right?  Wrong.

There are two major problems with rebate cards.  First, I forget that we have them.  Whenever we get a new one, I stick it on the pile on the little shelf above our key rack.  Then, I invariably forget that they're there.  Right now, we have three separate rebate cards sitting in that pile.  Two of them expire in 6 weeks.

The second problem with rebate cards is that retail stores appear to have joined together in a conspiracy to not actually accept them.  If you don't believe me, try it yourself.  Here's how the conversation will likely go:

• Clerk: "Oh, I'm sorry.  Your card wasn't accepted."
• You: "Did you run it as a 'credit' transaction?"
• Clerk: "No.  It says 'debit' on it."
• You: "I know but you have to run it as a 'credit' transaction for it to work."
• Clerk: "Let me try it again.  I'm sorry.  It's still not working."
• You (after letting out a disgusted sigh and pulling out your personal credit card):  "OK.  Just use this one."

I know that the cards actually work because I've actually seen them accepted.  You just have to find the right store.  The local Subway has been one of the few where the cards have worked consistently.  Until tonight, that is.

Shortly after 6PM, Kim ran up to the circle to pick up our hoagies at Subway.  With her, she took two of our nearly expired rebate cards.  Twenty minutes later, she came home with 4 hoagies and the same two rebate cards -- each with the exact same balance on them that they'd had when she left a short while before.  "They said 'denied' each time they ran them," she reported.  So, back on the shelf they went.  We have 6 more weeks to find someone to accept them.  If not, we're out of luck.

I think that's the real reason for the explosion in the use of rebate cards.  The Verizons of the world know that, if they sent you a rebate check, you'd cash it.  You'd have the money as soon as you cashed the check.  With these god-awful rebate cards, the Verizons of the world are expecting that you'll lose patience trying to use them.  They're planning on those cards sitting on your shelf or in your desk drawer until you notice they're expired and toss them in the trash.  Once you do that, Verizon (and all of its brethren) win.  It's sad but I think it's working for them.

It's not a bad little scheme.  Maybe we should all give it a whirl on tax day this Tuesday.  Do you think the government would accept a rebate card as payment?  I think they just might.