- I'm Tom Brady. I'm sliding to avoid a hit. Uh-oh. Here comes Ed Reed. I think I'll try to kick him while I'm sliding. That ought to teach him a lesson. Besides, it's not like I'm Ndamukong Suh. No one would dare accuse me of being a dirty player.
- I'm a Patriots fan. Actually, I'm all of them. With 4 minutes left in the AFC Championship game and my team down by 15 points, we all collectively decide to leave to get an early start on the drive home. Never mind that there's still a possibility our team could come back and tie the game. Yes, it's a remote possibility. But, hey, the Ravens completed a 70-yard touchdown pass with 31 seconds left in the game just last week. Stranger things have happened. Oh, well, let's leave anyway. Everyone knows we really only like the Patriots when they're winning.
- I'm Bill Belichick. We just lost the AFC Championship game. In fact, we pretty much got embarassed on our home turf. I know that CBS Sports is going to want to interview me after the game. But, just like Tom Brady, I'm an ass. So, I'm not going to talk to them. No one will give me a hard time about it or call me a sore loser. That would never happen because everyone knows I'm a genius.
"There's something to be said about being gracious in defeat. We've seen the New England Patriots five times in the last 12 years be victorious. And we've seen the opposing coaches that lost come out and speak to our Steve Tasker. Coach Cowher did it when they lost. We saw this last week. Bill Belichick makes it very easy for you to root against the Patriots. You can't be a poor sport all the time. You're not going to win every time. And he does this every time he loses. It is unacceptable."
Enjoy the Super Bowl, New England!
